How to Talk to Your Partner (And Actually Feel Heard): Healthy Communication Tips
Almost every client I work with comes in complaining of relationship struggles often stemming from poor communication. It’s the number one reason I hear from folks when reaching out for relationship therapy. And it makes sense. We’re not taught how to communicate effectively in school (I often say if we were, I’d be out of a job!) and most of us learn from our caregivers—who also weren’t taught how to communicate effectively. One thing we all have in common is wanting to be heard and understood. When communication breaks down this is the first thing to go. Left unaddressed for too long and the relationship itself can break down. But there is hope! Once you learn some basics, communicating well is not only doable, it can also be a wonderful way to create intimacy in your relationships. So, if you’d like to learn how to communicate with your partner in a way that helps you both feel heard, read on!
This blog is a crash-course on how to communicate more effectively. There are thousands of books on this topic. If you’d like to take a deep dive and read some, check out my Library for recommendations. If you find yourselves getting stuck, feel free to reach out to me and we can work through it together.
You’ll notice I use “your partner” throughout this blog. This term, used for brevity, refers to your conversation partner. These tips are effective whether speaking to a romantic partner, friend, family member, or colleague.
Note: These tips are designed to support couples working through everyday relationship friction. If your relationship involves fear, control, or violence, please see When to Seek More Support at the end of this blog before continuing.
Table of Contents
Before the Conversation
These are some thoughts to consider and skills to cultivate before starting the conversation to set yourselves up for the best chance to connect.
Learn self-soothing skills. Great communication relies on our ability to self-regulate. Practice those skills regularly so they are ingrained if things go off the rails during a difficult conversation. You might find it helpful to read about grounding skills in this blog.
Self-reflect before initiating the conversation. Spend some time exploring how you feel and what it is activating in you (for example, a deeper pattern of feeling not good enough). Take some time to journal and then edit to distill the most important points to share.
Speak up, don’t expect the other to mindread. No one can read our mind. It’s our responsibility to bring up issues in a timely manner.
Don’t collect pebbles in your pocket. On that note, we don’t bring up every time we experience annoyance with our partner. Learn to distinguish the items that need to be brought up vs. the ones we can let go. Don’t let items build up until your pockets are full of pebbles. A good rule of thumb: if it’s still bothering you 24hrs later, bring it up within 48hrs.
All perspectives are valid and limited. Remember, we have one perspective, our partner has another. Both our perspectives make sense if we take the time to explore this. But we also want to practice humility, our perspective makes sense given our context, and it’s not the only truth. Make space for each other’s perspectives.
Assume you’re not right. Along similar lines, it can help encourage curiosity, increase safety, and reduce blaming if we assume we’re not right rather than believing we’re right and fighting tooth and nail to prove it. Letting go of the need to be right allows curiosity and connection to flourish.
Assume positive intent. While we’re making assumptions, (I know, I know—we usually encourage folks to avoid those!), try assuming your partner has positive intent. Thanks to negativity bias (blog coming soon!), which has kept us humans going all these years, we tend to assume the worst and ask questions later (if ever). This has a strong evolutionary advantage; however, it can wreak havoc on our relationships. Try this technique and see how your conversations shift if you give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
Conflict is normal. Believe it or not, conflict is normal and when navigated well can bring us closer to our loved ones. If we can adopt this mindset, rather than viewing conflict as something scary to be avoided, it can help us approach challenging conversations from a more grounded place, which helps the conversation go better.
A few things to consider about the logistics of the conversation:
Timing. Don’t bring up an important topic to discuss while you’re both rushing to get ready for work. Practice some self-soothing, and bring it up when you’re both relaxed, well-fed, relatively rested, and aren’t rushed for time.
Consent and Checking-In. Speaking of timing, I really like starting the conversation with some form of, “is now a good time?” Checking in with our partner shows that we care about their experience of the conversation, that we aren’t just “dumping on them.” And it allows them to say, “I’m actually hangry right now, can I grab a snack before we talk about this? Then I can give you my full attention.” This ensures both partners are in the right headspace for a healthy, productive conversation.
Setting. Similarly, pick a place to have the conversation. At the dinner table in front of the kids isn’t ideal. Better to sit relaxed in the living room after the kids go to bed. Or even better, go for a walk in the woods together. Nature, movement, and gazing out at the world together can help both of you feel more grounded and keep defenses down.
Reduce distractions. Put your phones on Do Not Disturb and set them aside. Don’t try to cook dinner while talking about important topics. We want to give each other presence.
No substances. Do not try to have any serious conversations when either of you is under the influence of any substances. They can increase our impulsivity, slow our processing/thinking, make us more susceptible to anger/lashing out, and can cause us to check out of the conversation.
During the Conversation
Now, let’s look at some tips for how to handle the conversation itself: what you say, how you say it, how to listen, and what non-verbal cues to pay attention to.
What To Say
These tips are helpful to keep in mind as both the speaker and the responder.
Be emotionally honest. I know it can be scary to be vulnerable with your partner, sharing your deepest fears and insecurities, do it anyway. Staying behind a protective shield tends to invite the kind of language I advise against below. Vulnerability really is the only path to connection. And that’s the goal, isn’t it?
Be kind. There is no place for degrading language, name calling, or cursing out your partner.
Use I-statements, not You-statements. When speaking to your partner, focus on speaking from your perspective, for example: “I feel disappointed…,” rather than “You let me down.”
Me and We. Use I-language when speaking for yourself and we-language only when speaking about the couple. Sometimes folks use we-language, such as “We are afraid to bring up hard topics,” when they mean “I.” Even if your partner also struggles to bring up hard topics, speaking for yourself only is an important boundary to help support differentiation (read more about differentiation in this blog—coming soon!). It’s ok to use we-language when appropriate, for example, “We will be on vacation next week and can’t make it to that event.”
Avoid absolutes. Words such as “always,” “never,” “whenever,” only invite our partner to get defensive and say “that’s not true! Last week I…” and counter your point rather than hearing your message.
Avoid "should" and "must." We instinctively push back against "shoulds" and "musts." These words communicate judgment and control.
Thoughts vs. feelings. Be mindful of the difference between thoughts and feelings. “I feel like you don’t care about me” is not a feeling, it’s a thought (and an assumption and generalization). Instead, share the feeling, “I feel sad when you’re late and don’t give me a heads up.” Leading with the thought is more likely to elicit a defensive reaction from our partner, “Of course I care about you!”. The second option allows our partner to attune to the sadness.
Check your assumptions. Here’s that age-old advice I was speaking about earlier, we want to avoid negative assumptions.
“The story I’m telling myself.” One of my favorite techniques is to use this phrase to help us avoid assumptions and reduce the chance of defensiveness. For example, you might say, “The story I’m telling myself when you’re late and don’t let me know, is that you don’t care about how that will impact me. Is that true?” This allows the other person to share their perspective without being dismissive.
Intention v. impact. Acknowledge the impact of your actions, not just the intention. There can be space to say, “that’s not what I meant,” but it cannot come before acknowledging how it impacted our partner, otherwise it comes across as dismissing their hurt. First acknowledge the impact, “I’m so sorry I left you waiting and wondering if I was ok. I can see how that would be upsetting.” After our partner feels heard, we can add “I was rushing from work and didn’t mean to convey I don’t care about you. Of course I do! But I dropped the ball tonight. I’m sorry.”
Avoid generalizations and character assassination. When addressing your upset, don’t generalize. Hurt over your partner being late and not letting you know doesn’t mean they don’t care about you generally. Also, take care not to generalize to the point of speaking to their character. “I feel frustrated when you leave wet towels on the bed” is a very different statement from “You’re so lazy, you can’t even pick up your towels.”
Nonviolent communication. This is a wonderful tool where we follow a format, “When I see…I feel…Because I need…Would you be willing to…” And then the other person responds reflecting that statement back to the speaker (“When you see…”). The focus on communicating with empathy, compassion, and understanding. You can read more about nonviolent communication in my blog (coming soon!) or in the book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg.
Focus on requests, not complaints. It’s more helpful for you to identify what you would like from your partner than what you don’t want. “Please let me know if you’re going to be more than ten minutes late so I’m not worrying about you,” is clearer and invites a warmer response than “I hate when I’m kept waiting on you.”
No “kitchen sink” arguments. This means when bringing up an issue you throw in “everything but the kitchen sink,” throwing a barrage of past hurts and resentments, sometimes from decades ago, into the conversation. Doing this ensures that both partners will get overwhelmed, flooded, and be unable to find a resolution. Instead, focus on one issue at a time.
Skip the blame game. If you want to feel heard and leave the conversation feeling more connected to your partner, leave blame out of it.
But vs. and. Thanks to that negativity bias I mentioned above, “but” tends to negate everything that comes before it. “I’m sorry I was late, but I got here as soon as I could,” will likely land as dismissive to your partner. A simple switch to, “I’m sorry I was late and I got here as soon as I could,” will likely land more gently.
How To Say It
Let’s dig a little deeper and explore some tips on how to express ourselves.
Keep it short. Think of a fire hose and a garden hose. Which one would you rather drink from? When sharing your feelings with your partner try to keep it short. You can go back and add more if you need to. If you dump it all out at once, like a firehose, your partner is more likely to become emotionally flooded and shut down or respond with defensiveness.
Keep the intensity down. Back to the fire hose and garden hose analogy, take a moment to ground yourself before sharing with your partner so you can share in a way that is more like the gentle flow of a garden hose.
Take turns. Give both people a chance to speak, without interruption.
Wrong v. upset. Try to step out of the right and wrong mindset. You’re not trying to prove you’re right, which makes the other person wrong. This mindset invites defensiveness. Instead, we want to tackle this as a team. Try focusing on your partner trying to share their upset with you as an opportunity to build intimacy.
It’s you two against the problem, not each other. Imagine putting the issue or problem on the coffee table in front of the two of you on the couch, rather than tossing it back and forth between you like a hot potato. You are a team facing the issue together.
Be curious. Rather than jump to defend yourself or rehearsing your rebuttal while your partner is talking, practice curiosity. Explore and really try to understand where your partner is coming from.
Voice, don’t insist. The goal here is to voice your feelings and perspective so your partner can understand you better. This isn’t debate club—we aren’t trying to persuade or insist our view is correct.
Take appropriate accountability. Healing requires both partners to take accountability for their part of the conflict and communication. At the same time, don’t collapse and take ownership of what isn’t yours. This can breed resentment and mistrust.
Don’t go “one up” or “one down.” Be mindful that you don’t go “one up” into grandiosity, which is thinking you’re better than the other or being condescending, or go “one down” collapsing into shame. Meet your partner as an equal.
Practice positive regard. For your partner and yourself. Practice acceptance, valuing, support, seeking to understand, without judgment.
Practice assertive communication. There are four main communication styles, they are:
Passive — avoids sharing thoughts, feelings, needs directly; avoids conflict, agrees even when disagrees, lets resentment build; looks away, slumps
Passive-aggressive — shows anger/disappointment in hidden ways; acts nice but uses sarcasm, gossip, silent treatment; words and nonverbals don’t align
Aggressive — puts their needs above others’; interrupts, gets loud, uses harsh tone; stares intensely, points finger, encroaches on personal space
Assertive (we want this one!) — shares thoughts, feelings, needs clearly with respect for others; self-advocates, actively listens, uses “I” statements; relaxed eye contact, sitting up straight, open body language
How To Listen & Respond
This section walks you through how to listen and respond to your partner in a way that helps them feel heard and understood.
Ask questions. We want to lead with curiosity. One way to encourage your partner to share more is to ask questions. And the type of questions we ask matters—a lot. Focus on open-ended questions. These are questions that start with what, how, why, tell me more about. Closed-ended questions are ones that can be answered with a yes or no.
Look for the emotional word and explore that. Try not to get caught up in the content of what your partner is sharing. “I’m hurt that you left me waiting without giving me a heads up.” If we were to jump to explain why we couldn’t let them know or why we’re not that late, our partner will not feel heard and conflict will escalate. Instead, acknowledge the hurt without defending.
Understand before you share. When your partner is sharing an opinion, first ask questions and seek to understand before sharing your own. In other words, don’t respond to an opinion with an opinion. Jumping in too quickly with our opinion shuts down our partner, the conversation, and a chance to build intimacy.
Don’t interrupt. I know how challenging this can be. Sometimes we’re pulled to defend ourselves, sometimes we’re afraid to forget what we wanted to say, sometimes we struggle with wanting to finish our partner’s sentences. It’s worth it to practice self-restraint. You’ll have time to share your perspective after your partner feels heard. Jumping in too quickly leads to circular arguments (going around and around the same issue with no resolution) and doesn’t foster connection.
Take turns. Along with not interrupting, the two of you ideally are taking turns listening and responding to each other. Practice slowing the process down and make sure there is space for both partners to feel heard.
80/20 No Quibble Rule. Sometimes in my office I see a client trying to share their feelings and their partner jumps in to contradict something superfluous, “No, it wasn’t Tuesday, it was Wednesday!” You can imagine what happens, immediately they’re arguing over what day the incident happened. Who cares!? Our goal is to understand the heart of our partner’s pain; not make sure the account is 100% accurate (which is impossible anyway). So, the rule goes like this, if what your partner is sharing is 80% accurate, let the other 20% technicalities, mild exaggerations, and inconsistencies go. This rule is popularized by Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy.
No stonewalling/withdrawal. Stonewalling and withdrawal are two forms of shutting down in conflict. Stonewalling, a term popularized by relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman, is when our body is present but we’re not there—we’ve disengaged and given up trying to connect. Withdrawal is more literal: physically leaving the room mid-conversation. Both can leave your partner feeling abandoned, even if that's not the intention, and can cause relational ruptures. If you’re starting to get flooded, instead of shutting down or leaving, ask for a timeout (more on this below).
Thoughts & feelings v. problem-solving conversations. One of the most common places for conflict to escalate I see again and again in my office is when one partner is trying to have a conversation about their thoughts & feelings, an emotion-focused conversation, and their partner quickly jumps into problem solving mode, a solution-focused conversation. The first partner gets frustrated and shoots down all the suggestions; then the other partner gets frustrated as all their ideas are dismissed. What’s really happening here is they’re having two different conversations. It can be helpful to literally clarify at the outset of the conversation “Would you like to have a thoughts & feeling or problem-solving conversation?”
Respond, don’t react. A reaction is emotional without thought or understanding. A response is a balance of thought and emotion, often including a question or increase understanding. Take a moment, take a breath, notice your feet on the floor, whatever you need to help you pause and respond to your partner instead of just reacting.
Talk to their inner child. Often when we’re feeling hurt or experiencing strong emotions, we can link these feelings back childhood wounds. One way to reduce reactivity is imagining your partner as the five-year-old little kid they once were. How would you respond to your partner’s hurt about you being late if you imagined them as the kid they once were waiting alone after school for their very late parent to pick them up? If you’d like to picture this concept, there’s a beautiful sculpture called Love by Alexander Milov.
Listen, don’t rehearse/No "yea, but". I know, it’s tempting to do and sometimes difficult to control! It’s worth trying to anyway. Because when we rehearse our response in our head before our partner is even finished speaking two things are likely to happen. 1) We aren’t fully listening and we’re likely to misunderstand what our partner is trying to convey, and 2) we are likely to jump in with what I call the “Yea, but”. You know how it goes. Yea, yea, but…here’s why you’re wrong. That doesn’t go well, does it? Our partner doesn’t feel heard and escalates and then we escalate and off to the races we go. Instead, practice reflective listening.
Practice reflective listening. This is an incredibly powerful and helpful communication tool. Basically, you first seek to understand before responding by reflecting your partner’s words to them and checking in, “did I get that right? Would you like to add anything?” For a deep dive on this tool, check out my blog, Reflective Listening: The Communication Skill That Can Transform Your Relationship.
Don’t make excuses. What’s the difference between making excuses and explaining your perspective? Accountability. An excuse jumps in to say why it wasn’t your fault. An explanation starts with accountability, acknowledging how your actions (or inaction) hurt the other, followed by the context of your decision. Sometimes, it’s not even necessary to include the context, we can stop at accountability.
Add gratitude. Your partner is taking a risk sharing their hurt with you. It might not immediately feel like a beautiful moment of vulnerability, especially if you’re getting an earful about how you messed up, but if your partner is sharing their hurt with you, they are fighting for the relationship. Thank them for this effort. Starting with “thank you for sharing this with me” honors your partner’s vulnerability and is a great way to start this conversation off on the right foot (and can de-escalate things if your partner might have started it off on the wrong foot).
Practice empathy. This means putting yourself in the other person’s skin and perceiving the world as closely as possible from their perspective.
Stay on topic. I mentioned no kitchen-sink arguments above when describing how your partner can get the conversation started. This advice applies to listening too. Stay with one topic until it feels resolved or until one of you needs a timeout (see below). Jumping around to different topics/subjects will only serve to overwhelm you both and leave your partner feeling unheard.
Probe for meaning, wish, need. Hopefully your partner has mastered nonviolent communication (see above) and are clearly sharing their wish and need. It’s quite possible if you’re reading this, they aren’t. You have the opportunity here to shift the conversation. Search for the hidden meaning, wish, or need underneath their complaint.
No zingers. Leave out the zingers, like “that’s ridiculous,” and sarcasm. It might feel satisfying for 0.01 seconds and then it’s going to make everything much worse.
Validate your partner’s feelings. This doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say. For example, let’s say your partner has read this blog and says “I can’t believe you couldn’t bother to text me you’d be late. You don’t care about me at all. You’re so thoughtless.” Ouch. Rather than jump in to say, “that’s not true!” try instead “I can hear that you’re really hurting right now. It didn’t feel good that I didn’t give you a heads up I’d be late. It makes sense to me you’d be upset about this and worried about me. I messed up tonight, and I hope you know that I do care about you very much.” This validating where your partner is coming from is likely enough to take the heat out of the situation. Your partner might even apologize for their harsh tone. If not, you can add “I know you’re upset and it makes sense to me. When you call me thoughtless and say I don’t care about you it hurts my feelings. Could you express your upset without assuming how I feel or criticizing me?”
Don’t deflect. This is a common form of defensiveness. It entails blame shifting, changing the subject, using humor to escape the serious topic, bringing up issues of your own, etc. In its mild to moderate form, it’s unhelpful or damaging to the safety of the relationship. In more severe forms, it’s emotionally abusive.
No counter-complaints. In the form of deflection, counter-complaints can be damaging. But even if you aren’t trying to deflect and just want your concerns heard too, when your partner is sharing their upset is not the time. You are responsible for bringing up your issues in a timely manner. When your partner is sharing theirs, that’s not the time. Table your issues and bring them up at another time.
Apologize. If your partner is hurt by something you’ve done, apologize. It doesn’t make you a lesser person, I promise. And it will do wonders for your relationship. On that note, don’t jump to apologize too quickly. If you haven’t taken the time to practice the skills above, jumping to apologize too quickly will just land as dismissive or placating to your partner and they will likely dismiss your apology.
Don’t placate. It can be tempting to apologize just to make the conflict go away, avoid this temptation. Don’t apologize or agree with an ask just to placate your partner. Doing so will build resentment for you and for your partner when you don’t follow through.
Embrace learning. Conversations and conflict are a great way to learn more about our partner if we approach it that way. Your partner likely isn’t bringing up this issue to hurt you or the relationship. Embrace this opportunity to learn more about what matters to them. That’s intimacy.
Nonverbal Cues
So far, we’ve explored what to say and how to say it, now let’s look at another factor in communication, whether speaking or listening: our nonverbals.
Use a soft tone of voice. Leave out the sarcasm.
Be mindful of volume. Pay attention to the volume of your voice. If you notice it starting to creep up, take a few deep breaths or a break (see timeouts below). Yelling isn’t ok.
Make eye contact. Put down your phone, make eye contact with your partner. It’s normal for some folks to briefly look away while gathering their thoughts, but come back to your partner’s eyes. As an alternative, if too much eye contact makes you feel shy or defensive, it can be helpful to go for a walk together so you’re both looking out at the world while you talk. Note: this does not mean looking at your phone, computer, or the TV.
Be mindful of body expressions. Add in warm smiles, nodding, and gentle touch (when appropriate—some folks don’t like to be touched when upset, and this is inappropriate in some settings, like at work). This also means no pointing, eye rolling, or huffing (sometimes sighing is a way to regulate the nervous system, but that’s very different from a huff of anger).
Have open body posture. This means sitting back (sometimes leaning in is ok, as it can show interest and engagement, but not as a form of aggression or intensity), keeping a relaxed posture instead of crossing your arms or having clenched fists.
Maintain appropriate distance. As I say above, leaning in can show interest or can be a sign of aggression. Be mindful about what you’re exhibiting. Sitting too far away or walking away communicates distance or dismissiveness. Sitting close can feel intimate, too close can feel too intense for some. When in doubt, ask your partner what feels comfortable to them and share what’s comfortable for you.
Be present. Eliminate distractions by putting down your phone or turning off the tv. Focus on your partner’s words, and what might be below the words, without rehearsing your response. Don’t interrupt. Try to keep a warm or neutral face and body posture to express openness and safety for your partner.
When Things Get Heated
Despite our best efforts, conversations can sometimes go awry. Here are some tips for navigating things when that happens.
Process vs. content. Content is what is said, the info. Process is how the content is communicated. It can be helpful to verbalize the process, such as “We seem to be judging each other,” or “There is a lot of anger in the room.” This non-blaming observation helps the two of you slow down and adjust the process, the how you’re talking to each other.
Visualize the Anger Iceberg. The idea of the Anger Iceberg is that like an iceberg, anger is the small bit we can see above the water, the much larger bit under the water, are more vulnerable emotions such as fear, loneliness, overwhelm, exhaustion. Under the anger lives a wish, need, or tender feeling. Anger often serves to protect vulnerability. Our job is to get curious and try to understand what is underneath our partner’s anger (and our own). For some wonderful visuals of this idea search for “anger iceberg.” To learn more, check out my blog (coming soon!).
Take a timeout when needed. Sometimes we just get too flooded or we run out of time, or something interrupts us. So, we call a timeout. There are steps to doing this in a way that feels like caring for each other rather than abandonment. To read all about it, check out my blog, 6 Simple Rules for Calling a Timeout.
Circular arguments. This is what happens when we don’t practice the skills above. Our partner voices their view, we voice us, they insist on theirs, we insist on ours, around and around we go. No one feels heard and it usually spins in an upward direction, getting louder and more defensive. When this happens, pause, take a breath, and practice the skills above.
The power of systemics. A big part of my training was understanding the power of systemics. Without nerding out too much here, it basically means that how we show up can shift the dynamic between us. This is good news! This means that even if our partner drops the ball and forgets to use these tools (or yikes, doesn’t even read the blog) we still have the power to get the conversation back on track ourselves by practicing these skills. (And if we drop the ball, our partner can do the same for us.) A healthy relationship and great communication don’t require us to do this perfectly every time (phew!), it just requires that we try, repair when needed, and try again.
After the Conversation
Congrats! You did it! You had the tough conversation. Hopefully it went well and you both feel heard, seen, and more connected. Even if it was bumpy at moments or if you had to take a timeout, it’s worth it.
Repair if needed. If the conversation was bumpy, acknowledge it, and initiate repair.
Engage in co-regulating activities. Take a few deep breaths together, hum, dance. Sometimes to take care of your nervous systems.
Express gratitude. Thank each other for being willing to work on the relationship to make it better.
Go play. Whether individually or together, go outside for a long nature walk, take a hot bath, watch some funny animal videos, or make some art.
Schedule a relationship check-in. Keep the conversations going. A great way to do this is through a relationship check-in. Read more about this tool in my blog (coming soon!).
When I meet new clients, I tell them conflict can be healthy and bring us closer together. I’m often met with stares, jokes, or outright disagreement. But usually by the end of our work together my couples have been able to create the kind of communication that does just that: brings them closer together. I see it every day and I want you to have this too! I hope these tips have helped you create the kind of relationship and communication you’ve always wanted. This is brave work and it’s worth it!
These ideas are simple, but may not always be easy to implement. If after reading this blog and trying to implement these tips you still find yourself stuck, it may be worthwhile to reach out for some individual therapy or relationship therapy because sometimes struggles with communication point to a deeper issue, like trauma or emotion regulation challenges.
Learn More
I hope you’ve found this blog helpful. If you’d like to explore these skills further—whether in talk therapy sessions, or through advanced approaches such as ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)—you’re welcome to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with me. I’m available in Doylestown, PA or virtually anywhere in PA. I’d love to hear from you.
When to Seek More Support
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional care. Seek medical or mental health help if you’re in crisis or have concerns.
If your relationship involves fear, control, or violence, these communication techniques are not appropriate to use on your own. Reach out to a clinician or a resource like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for support and safety planning.
If you ever feel unsafe or unable to cope, please reach out to a crisis support helpline or call 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (in the U.S.). If outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com.
